Tanya- reflection

So we have volunteered for one week and one day. I am disappointed to note to myself that I am not saving the world. People that save the world in Malawi give up electricity for many hours every day, hardly ever use the painfully slow internet connection, spend their free time playing and teaching children and their working hours helping to make the situation better, giving up better jobs in a bigger city and a better life for themselves devoting themselves where they are needed. Quietly, efficiently and gracefully. Am I making a difference, I do NOT know..Have I learned something? More than words or a research paper will justify. I see the frustrations of volunteering in the development arena. Progress is slow and many times you question whether you are doing the best thing by becoming a resource and then magically disappearing after 5 weeks. (Sound familiar, western development agencies?) Many times, I feel too much like an azungu tourist. The people, rich and poor, administrators and maids laugh and smile and welcome us with such warmth. I guess, I am still reeling under the impact of being perceived as American. The term azungu is loaded. It speaks to power constructs so neatly stacked in place that the colour of my skin doesn’t matter anymore. My big sneakers and backpack and American clothes will suffice to instill a sense of subservience in the most skilled professional of people.

They were everywhere-Germans, Japanese, British, Americans-taking pictures, hailing taxis, fending off street peddlers, many of them dressed in safari suits like extras on a movie set. …Here in Africa, the tourists didn’t seem so funny. I felt them as an encroachment somehow; I found their innocence vaguely insulting. It occurred to me that in their utter lack of self-consciousness, they were expressing a freedom that neither Auma nor I could ever experience, a bedrock confidence in their own parochialism, a confidence reserved for those born into imperial cultures.Pg.312 Dreams From My Father by Barack Obama.

On a slightly different tangent, I just finished reading Obama’s memoir, Dreams From My Father. I feel, that in some small measure all the four of us here are not unlike the young Obama questioning colonization, racism, development, aid to Africa, big organizations like UNICEF (we had a meeting with them). Indeed, questioning ourselves about our work and its relevance in the larger context. We all desire to leave something, anything better than when we left it without letting this guilt of there being too little time to ever make a lasting impact overcome us… and that we will pack up ou bags and leave to our 24 hour internet, three meals a day, sterling education with Malawi being no more than a fond memory and a ‘learning experience.’ I am reading this book at a very relevant time because it has taught me that questioning and doubt is ALWAYS good if it leads us to change the way we are doing things and wrestle a more meaningful experience out of everything we do.

In this vein of constant questioning we have decided that we will create a volunteer packet and publicise the different things that can be done in Raising Malawis different organization to the western volunteer. It is nothing more than a network; identifying a need , reaching out across this network to make sure that the western young scholar, retired teacher, middle aged doctor WHOEVER that desires to make a difference is matched to this need. Basically making it easier for the two parties to identify what they are looking in. This internship is taking so many interesting turns and often what we learn in a random conversation with a nurse or a teacher is FAR more valuable than the field work.

We went to Consul Homes Today and played a few basic games with the children. The teachers and students communicate mostly in Chichewa and yet the focus of the programme seems to be on feeding the children one meal a day rather than teaching them. Because of this although the three classrooms are divided in terms of different age groups, there is no progression in the learning system. Sigh! Well, we are meeting with administration tomorrow so we hope we can work something out with regards to that. Again, it is difficult for us to start something that may or may not be carried forward once we leave at the end of this week.